I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
