I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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