dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
