love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
