I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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