i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
