from now on my penis is your penis
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
