so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
