ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
