I will die if light touches me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
