It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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