I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
