I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
