the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
