people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
well, you know. whores of a feather.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
