yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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