so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize