last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
