i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
