I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
