Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
