I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize