If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
