was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
