I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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