What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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