I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
