You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
