when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
