I want to stick my p in your. b.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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