Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
