he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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