Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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