Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
