I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
