Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
