I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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