took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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