don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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