Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
