I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
