Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
