That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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