It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
