I think I am morally bankrupt
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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