I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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