This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
