Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
