im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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