The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
