Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize