i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
