I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
