he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
