DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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