I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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