Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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