I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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