I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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