I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
