Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
