i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
