Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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