sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
