just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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