you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize