I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
