the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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